Tell Us a JOKE, page 3
this thread is hilarious I can't stop laughing 
hahahahahahhahaha nice one mel 
I read that a couple of days ago and i couldnt stop laughing for hours..
During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.
A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I have to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS!”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “Do you have any idea who I am?”
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
“May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at the gate who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, “F**k you.”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too.”
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
OWNED!!!!!!!!!!
I read that a couple of days ago and i couldnt stop laughing for hours..
During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.
A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I have to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS!”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “Do you have any idea who I am?”
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
“May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at the gate who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, “F**k you.”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too.”
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
OWNED!!!!!!!!!!
You mess with me - I CARVE you off !!!
that women must be really smart
thats one funny joke laptopz
thats one funny joke laptopz
La petite mort
(user gone)
on April 7th, 2009
/ post 29268
In School today inspector is visiting to see how the class is getting on..
The female teacher asking the class a questions:
- Now folks, in sea, why the Sea Cat has its shape?
Nobody is preparing to answer, only from the last desk behind a boy called Ivancho puts hand up and shalts:
- Me Miss, Me!
The teacher is acting like she doesn't see Ivancho's activity for knowledges and ignores him at all because she knows that he always talks stupid things. But the inspector sees the boy who's acting and says:
-Miss, give this boy his chance to answer the question!
The teacher already discussed and start to sweat because she knows she'll feel uncomfortable after Ivancho's word, but she had to agree on the inspector and said:
-Ok Ivancho, tell me why the Sea Cat has its shape?
-Because the Whale has fucked it.
-OMG Ivancho, who told you this stupidness?
-Its not stupidness Miss, my dad told me!
-Tomorrow I want you here with your father!!!
And she throw him out of the class...
Ivancho went home and explained what happen to his father..On the next day he went to school with his father to see the teacher.
When they walked in class the teacher started:
-Oh Sir, how is it possible to teach your son such a stupidness, I just don't know what to say..I have no words..
-How do you know that this is stupidness..? Do you know why the Crab has long eyes and walks backwards?
-No
-I know you don't know.. and I will tell you.. Because it saw the Whale fucked the Sea Cat..!
The female teacher asking the class a questions:
- Now folks, in sea, why the Sea Cat has its shape?
Nobody is preparing to answer, only from the last desk behind a boy called Ivancho puts hand up and shalts:
- Me Miss, Me!
The teacher is acting like she doesn't see Ivancho's activity for knowledges and ignores him at all because she knows that he always talks stupid things. But the inspector sees the boy who's acting and says:
-Miss, give this boy his chance to answer the question!
The teacher already discussed and start to sweat because she knows she'll feel uncomfortable after Ivancho's word, but she had to agree on the inspector and said:
-Ok Ivancho, tell me why the Sea Cat has its shape?
-Because the Whale has fucked it.
-OMG Ivancho, who told you this stupidness?
-Its not stupidness Miss, my dad told me!
-Tomorrow I want you here with your father!!!
And she throw him out of the class...
Ivancho went home and explained what happen to his father..On the next day he went to school with his father to see the teacher.
When they walked in class the teacher started:
-Oh Sir, how is it possible to teach your son such a stupidness, I just don't know what to say..I have no words..
-How do you know that this is stupidness..? Do you know why the Crab has long eyes and walks backwards?
-No
-I know you don't know.. and I will tell you.. Because it saw the Whale fucked the Sea Cat..!
(user gone)
on April 7th, 2009
/ post 29274
100 years old Man is chatting up a young hot girl, but she refuses on his words and tells him:
-Nothing will work between us - you are too old and your hair is white.
And he:
-Hey girl - Everest's hills are white too, but down is sprint!
-Nothing will work between us - you are too old and your hair is white.
And he:
-Hey girl - Everest's hills are white too, but down is sprint!
(user gone)
on April 7th, 2009
/ post 29275
In class every one is telling what their parents are working:
Pesho:
-My father is a policeman, makes a lot of money and we live fine.
Mariika:
-My mother is a whore, makes a lot of money and we live fine.
Ivancho:
-My father is a Tir driver and if wasn't the police and the whores, we would live fine too.
Pesho:
-My father is a policeman, makes a lot of money and we live fine.
Mariika:
-My mother is a whore, makes a lot of money and we live fine.
Ivancho:
-My father is a Tir driver and if wasn't the police and the whores, we would live fine too.
(user gone)
on April 8th, 2009
/ post 29277
Brunette tells a Blondy:
-The fuel got expensive again.
-Its not a problem, I fill up for 20£ every time.
***
Two programers are walking down the street, on front of them beautiful lady shows up.
The one:
-Ahhh, bro, check the Properties on this one...
The second answers:
-Leave her, bro, for us she's just Read Only...
***
Theory examination for rounds for drivers. The commissary asking a blondy:
-Describe the work of the engine.
-Can I describe with own words?
-Of course!
-Рррр, рррр, рррр, рррр...
***
Two gay men were coaching in the room and were wondering what to do. Later on one of them offers:
-Come on, lets play on hiding! I will hide, and you will be looking for me. If you find me, I will give you a blowjob.
-What if I don't find you?
-I will be behind the sofa.
***
Ivancho and his family were always talking scums. One day they were invited to a birthday party in a restaurant and they agreed on between no scum talking. As they were sitting on the table flies wore flying around and one fly dropped in Ivancho's plate. He said:
-Duh, what an ass!
He's sister:
-As we're talking ass, who wiped he's ass with my pants!?
The mother:
-Don't ask me, I don't wipe mine.
The father:
Thats why my dick smells like shit...
***
Their first time.
Naked, hugged.
-Let me push it in, Mariike?
-No! Im virgin.
-Just to touch it by, can I?
-You Can!
As they wore hugging each other, it slipped and went in.
-Ay! Why did you pushed it in Ivancho?
-Sorry, should I out it?
-Don't want you to out it, Im asking you why did you in it?
***
-Is Fred at home?
-No. Fred is not here any more... He left our world...
-How he left, did he passed out?
-No, he got connected to Internet.
***
-The fuel got expensive again.
-Its not a problem, I fill up for 20£ every time.
***
Two programers are walking down the street, on front of them beautiful lady shows up.
The one:
-Ahhh, bro, check the Properties on this one...
The second answers:
-Leave her, bro, for us she's just Read Only...
***
Theory examination for rounds for drivers. The commissary asking a blondy:
-Describe the work of the engine.
-Can I describe with own words?
-Of course!
-Рррр, рррр, рррр, рррр...
***
Two gay men were coaching in the room and were wondering what to do. Later on one of them offers:
-Come on, lets play on hiding! I will hide, and you will be looking for me. If you find me, I will give you a blowjob.
-What if I don't find you?
-I will be behind the sofa.
***
Ivancho and his family were always talking scums. One day they were invited to a birthday party in a restaurant and they agreed on between no scum talking. As they were sitting on the table flies wore flying around and one fly dropped in Ivancho's plate. He said:
-Duh, what an ass!
He's sister:
-As we're talking ass, who wiped he's ass with my pants!?
The mother:
-Don't ask me, I don't wipe mine.
The father:
Thats why my dick smells like shit...
***
Their first time.
Naked, hugged.
-Let me push it in, Mariike?
-No! Im virgin.
-Just to touch it by, can I?
-You Can!
As they wore hugging each other, it slipped and went in.
-Ay! Why did you pushed it in Ivancho?
-Sorry, should I out it?
-Don't want you to out it, Im asking you why did you in it?
***
-Is Fred at home?
-No. Fred is not here any more... He left our world...
-How he left, did he passed out?
-No, he got connected to Internet.
***
You know that your partner is a little too young for you if you have to make 'choo choo ' sounds just to get your cock in their mouths.
One of 'Jimmy Carr's 'Gags on one of his DVD shows.
One of 'Jimmy Carr's 'Gags on one of his DVD shows.
Music is physics brought to life with biology.
penthouse wrote:
100 years old Man is chatting up a young hot girl, but she refuses on his words and tells him:
-Nothing will work between us - you are too old and your hair is white.
And he:
-Hey girl - Everest's hills are white too, but down is sprint!
100 years old Man is chatting up a young hot girl, but she refuses on his words and tells him:
-Nothing will work between us - you are too old and your hair is white.
And he:
-Hey girl - Everest's hills are white too, but down is sprint!
lol lol that's so funny because it dosn't make sense lol lol
Penthouse your a comedy genius .Or rather you have just invented a new age of comedy.So go to england or any English speaking country & tell jokes getting the punch line wrong because of incorrect grammar .
Music is physics brought to life with biology.
This girl walks into a hardware store as she needs a new hinge
for a door at home. As she takes it to the counter, the clerk
asks,
"Wanna screw for that hinge?"
To which she replies,
"No, but I'll suck you off for that toaster on the top shelf."
for a door at home. As she takes it to the counter, the clerk
asks,
"Wanna screw for that hinge?"
To which she replies,
"No, but I'll suck you off for that toaster on the top shelf."
La petite mort
Good one Mohamedbasha
i found this one
Went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is young, female and very sexy. I was embarrassed but she said "don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."
I said "I think my c**k tastes funny...."
Went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is young, female and very sexy. I was embarrassed but she said "don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."
I said "I think my c**k tastes funny...."
La petite mort
i was browsing a humor site, and i found this
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATlON BULLETIN
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSlS
ELEMENT : Woman
SYMBOL : Wo
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC MASS : Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40 - 200kg
OCCURRENCES : Copious quantities in urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES :
1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied to correct places.
CHEMlCAL PROPERTIES :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained
at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact
with each other.
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATlON BULLETIN
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSlS
ELEMENT : Woman
SYMBOL : Wo
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC MASS : Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40 - 200kg
OCCURRENCES : Copious quantities in urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES :
1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied to correct places.
CHEMlCAL PROPERTIES :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained
at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact
with each other.
La petite mort
hehe And just to balance the equation a few jokes for the females.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out. The man asked to be stronger than any other man. He was given the strength to crush boulders. He asked for the worlds fastest sports car and a ferrari appeared in front of him. He then asked to be smarter than any other every man on the earth. He was turned into a woman. She then said thank you.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and a Jackass to pay for it all
It's Good to laugh at other people & humbling to laugh at yourself I think
Music is physics brought to life with biology.
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